It was around 3 months ago, the normal low points of the year. Filmmaking projects were good but blah. They weren’t spicy enough. Then came the month of May and from nothing to a fully packed schedule I have to travel to the mountains, to the sea, shoot all day long, edit in the evening, and do animations at dawn.
This happened for two months. Projects were all fruitful than ever – creatively and financially.
Wait, what happened there?
Before all those, just before May, I remember it was a lazy morning. I was writing my journal asking myself why everything was just dull and plateau at that time. For some crazy feeling, I answered myself – “Because I’m afraid”
“Afraid of hmmmm.. being busy?”
“Why on earth will you be afraid of being busy?”
“I guess, I’m afraid of, you know, making mistakes. Of failing?”
“Hahahaha, Hanz, when was the last time you ever fail?”
Then that got me thinking.
“Honestly, I don’t remember.”
Then I started forcing myself and thinking deeply about missing things out, not getting what I want on time, lacking this and lacking that, not winning in film festivals, kicked out by your most trusted client, and all other misfortunes, etc. But were those really failures, like really deep sh*t failures?
Then that got me thinking… again.
All these weren’t so “bad” after all.
In fact, I’m still here. Alive, shooting, making films.
In short, in that morning , I saw that all the thoughts that cloud, stop, hinder me – we’re just made up. Yes, I know the power of thoughts, blah blah. “What you focus on grows, blah blah”
But for the first time, it was so clear to me, that unconsciously, I am saying silently to the world – to the universe –
“Hey God, Universe, I’m afraid of messing up, so don’t give me difficult projects. Or give me those that I’m sure I won’t mess up, where I won’t be criticized. Projects that are easy-money. Projects that I’m good at. You know the usual ones. “
And that was just wrong!!
Looking back today, after all the hustle of those “busy” productive months, all I can say to myself is,
“See? It’s not that bad after all”
So, Universe, bring it on.
To the Best Version of You,
PS. So I’m trying to bring back my blog to life. Help me!!! What do you want me to share to you about leading a creative life? Your inputs are really loved – I just need some creative push and spark! Please comment them in. Super Thanks!