Just recently I found it how “twisted” was our love for love stories.
I mean we grew up with love stories.
Starting from bed time stories, to childhood fairytales, then to the young romance pocket books (Yes, at some point I was reading them, I’m a book worm, I just grabbed whatever was in the house – defensive!)Then it became more visual with Disney movies – visual in terms of our very first ideas of kissing scenes. So at first, it was all sweet and romantic and breezy and carefree and all in the dreamland – love was perfect.
Perfection then became sharper when we went into our early teenage years with young adult books, and then of course the ever powerful bloodsucking television drama aka Telenovelas. Sharper in a sense when the ideas of “hurt” becomes real. We learned that in every love story there is pain and sacrifice often mixed with envy and jealousy.
The sharp and perfect love stories gets an unexpected dive when we come into our late teen and adult years. The dive begins when we hear firsthand of love stories totally gone wrong even from our relatives and unfortunately sometimes our own families. Unfaithfulness and infidelity – famously known in our country as “No Other Woman” and “My Legal Wife” both unfortunately has now become super mainstream. (Mainstream in a way, young school children are now skipping disney fairy tales and jumping into love, sex, and lust.)
Oh – warning: healthy rant incoming – this doesn’t include the showbiz buzz and the foolish idea of love teams. For those who don’t know, love teams are marketing schemes – it’s all about money.
Plus the dive gets deeper with Hollywood style love stories of love, sex, and lust, sex, and violence, murder, and sex, and money, lust, and sex, and sex, then sometimes love. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get what I mean.
Looking at all these, I felt that these constructs of love as created by the media has in some way affected our personal dealings with love too. Like in my case, honestly, at some point in my relationship with Dabby – especially as we were starting out back in high school and college – I would have thoughts like, “should I do this?” “should we be like this?” “Okay I want to do this, but I heard it won’t work”, or “Hey, they are doing this, we should do this as well!”
Bad as it may be but lately now, it’s really happening when I’ve heard of so many wives literally freaking out every time their husbands go out due to the overdoes of watching “My Legal Wife”.
This is not just true on the “bad side” but as well as the “good side”. Same as the idea of success, we tend to have a set of expectations that we should set to achieve in our relationships – a list of blacks and whites, this should be and this should be not, we should achieve this by this time, you should be like this, and you should be like that. If expectations are totally unhealthy for an individual, how much more to a relationship involving two individuals!
My point is – we totally forget that our relationships are unique! Every relationship is different simply because each one of us is different. We focus on the love stories of other people – imaginary people – and we fail to discover our very own love story.
In other words, if I am to write our love story, it would automatically be the greatest love story ever told. And so will be yours! Unless you keep on relating the stories from the movies, TV, books, and internet to your own life OR you aspire to have your own love story be like that of (insert artists love team here)!!!
Talk more. Explore more each other’s personality. And always always always remember that your partner is totally different from the actors or actresses we see and hear every day. Try new things.
Friends, lovers, find your truth. Your own truth. It’s not out there. It’s inside of you – in your relationship with the self, and with your partner. Nowhere else but there.
And please, don’t expect. Never ever expect. As common as it is, but really love is a mystery. Each story is unique. So go on and write the greatest story love has ever told.
Live in love,
PS. I’m sure some you may relate, at some point in my life I was literally hooked to Korean love stories, so hooked that I dream of my love stories be as grand as theirs – of course minus the death due to a strange incurable disease that you discover during the first snow. Did you have those type of experiences too? How were you able to deal with it? What things do you do that help you “find your own truth” with your partner? (Write in the comments below! =D)
PS.2 Hanz? Why the sudden shift from inspirational stories to love stories? It’s been months since I’ve been hearing stories about the realities of relationships these days. I simply felt the essence of relationships is becoming very sick – is dying. Relationships has consumed people that either they get addicted to it or feared of being in one. Plus, how media and technology has crafted crazy constructs about love and it kills me to know that only a few – very few people – really give a damn of finding meaning in life through love. And so, I’m hoping that sharing a piece of our almost 12 year relationship with my partner Dabby will in some way ignite once again that thrill of experiencing the beauty and yes grandeur in relationships – that is when we have found love in ourselves.