Waking Up From an Artist’s Depression

depression artist filmmaker life

Waking Up From an Artist’s Depression

It has been ages since I have longed to revive this blog. Seeking for the right topics, and even the right time to write it never just came. Not until this morning.

Today, I woke up wanting to start writing.

One particular day last week, I woke up – I have to be honest on this – depressed.

Or something like that in between.

The complete opposite of the past few weeks where I was on top of the world in pure bliss and happiness shooting probably the most beautiful short film in my career as a filmmakerKulokabildo: A Dialogue.

I was way down under.

And I was broke.

I’ve spent up everything on this project, that oh well, I have nothing.

And the irony is, I’m sitting with 3 pending big projects. And because I was “depressed” I was too lazy to start working on them.

Haha!

Well this went on for a couple of days.

I couldn’nt even meditate.

And went on and on.

I started working on the pending projects half-heartedly still trying to figure out what’s going on wrong with my head.

Until yesterday, Gail was playing this spiritual audio book being read over the entire PA system of the Wholeness Center.

“Your thoughts, create your reality”

Yeah, I know that.

Of course. Been eating that philosophy for years.

Ouch.

So, Hanz, what have you been thinking?

Anyhow, that midnight, for some weird reason, I went on a work spree for 3-hours straight.

How did I do it?

I stopped thinking.

Then it hit me. I guess, I was back again at my old self, I was thinking too much. Possibilities. Expectations. Which is easier, which is better. Why. How. What. All over and over just like an huge electric fan over my head.

And then for 3-hours, I stopped thinking.

I slept a good six hours and now I’m writing.

I woke up with the answer.

I believe its the figuring out how to live as – the journey – as a successful artist in this world which was the root cause of the drama I had.

And finally, last night, I simple stopped trying to figure it out – Let go – that it dawned on me.

It’s not the figuring out – the thinking – that works, it’s simply the living.


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hanzstHanz Florentino is the founder of Studio Inspiro, a filmmaker, a story teller, a lover and a student of life.View all posts by hanzst →

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